Am I done?

If you ask Hubs, he will say “yes” without hesitation or doubt. Me? Not so sure…but sort of sure at the same time.

I loved being pregnant. Like L.O.V.E.D. it. I loved growing each baby inside me. I loved carrying them with me all the time. Sure, I had some of the typical pregnancy complaints…a little morning sickness, swollen feet, body aches. But I barely remember them…

The day Lovie was born I knew I wanted to do it again. Did you hear me? THE DAY she was born, the day they sliced me open and pulled a living being from my abdomen, I knew. I wanted to do it again so badly I was pregnant again within 8 months.

The day Tootsie was born was a little different, though. I think I was a little relieved to have it over. Not the pregnancy or the c-section, but the anxiety and worry. I felt that way for a few weeks, not sure that I could take the stress of it…will my baby be healthy? Will I die in surgery?

Today, with a 2 year old and a 7 month old, I feel torn. The extreme joy of pregnancy and a new baby with all the worry OR the reassuring contentment of two healthy children without all the worry?

I guess the rational part of me knows I am done, but whenever I see a new baby my heart aches for one more.

I’m done; my husband tells me I am done. He says it’s not just up to me, it’s a decision for us to make together. But as far as I can tell, he’s the one calling the shots.

So, am I done or do I get a new husband…?