Where is Papa?

I've been taking care of the bills for my parents while my dad has been in the hospital. This includes several trips to their house when I run in and Hubs stays in the car with the girls. Lovie is always upset that she doesn't get to go in and we explain that Papa and Grandma are not home.

"Where is Papa?"
Papa is in the hospital. He is sick.
"His tummy hurts? He spit his milk?"  She's remembering a few weeks ago when Tootsie puked up an entire bottle on our bedspread.
Sort of.
"He go the office?" Like they do at her school. Oh, baby, I wish it were that simple.

I stare at my dad's hands and they are just like mine. We are so much the same and different, too. I don't know that I would have the same fight in me that he has.

Alone Together

 It is so easy to get lost in my role as momma.  My life needs balance and I do a poor job of allocating my time and energy.

I needed to give to my marriage. So, I did one of the hardest things a momma can do, I left my kids for five days. FIVE DAYS

Hubs and I have never been on vacation alone. He was a dad long before I met him, so anything more than a night away included his son.

Some friends who are family bought a house in Florida on Marco Island. They said come and I knew we needed time together, so we went. For FIVE DAYS. Away from my children-the two people who are the reasons I live. For FIVE DAYS

It was awful and wonderful all at the same time.

Wonderful

Wonderful

Wonderful

Awful because my heart ached for these two.

It was so hard to leave, but in a way I was doing it for them, too. I want to have a happy, loving and supportive relationship with Hubs. I want our marriage to be an example of how relationships can and should be. I know one of the best things I can do for the girls is to love their dad.



But really, how could I not?

On Love

Love alone lightens every burden, and makes rough places smooth.
It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders
all bitterness sweet and acceptable. ~Thomas Kempis

That is part of a common reading used during wedding ceremonies. Though the entire thing is beautiful, that part kind of strikes a cord with me.

Before I met Hubs, I never really believed I would find love. Probably that is a common fear for single twenty-somethings, but somehow it felt true and inevitable for me. I didn't think there was a man out there who could love me-you know, the real me-that I could love in return.

Then I met Hubs and my life changed. Really.

He accepts me for who I am and loves me even when I'm at my worst.

My dad hasn't been in the best of health for many years. He has ups and some pretty scary downs with his health. About 5 years ago he was hospitalized for about a month. He was in the ICU, he was intubated, we thought we would lose him.
He recovered-he's a tough bird.

Hubs was the one who helped me get through that time. He drove me to work and picked me up every day for two weeks. I didn't ask him to, he offered because he that's how he could help take care of me.

I still get an ache at the back of my throat when I think about that time. The extreme fear of losing my Dad and the strong love I feel for Hubs for helping me move through those days.

We've had a few more days like that in the last several months. I am so thankful that my dad is a fighter.

I have struggles just like everyone does. Sometimes I can't see past the fog of fear and my feet feel so heavy. Then Hubs appears and pulls me along, he holds my hand and somehow I find myself outside the fog.

Where did the time go?

I haven't been here in this space for quite a while. Partly because finding time is tough with two little ones and what I try to pass off as A Life.
But also, we've been dealing with some pretty trying stuff over the last few months and I didn't have it in me to write about them or write as if there was nothing going on.

But Spring makes me feel like anything is possible and I get to start anew!

Michigan has been treating us to an early dose of sun. We have been trying to soak up every minute before the clouds come again.

Man, those girls have gotten big. Lovie has a lot less junk in her truck, 'cause girl is done with diapers. Tootsie is way more determined than I would have predicted based on her easy-peasy attitude as a baby. Ummm, did I just say that like she isn't a baby anymore? She's not and I kind of hate it.

I am almost twitchy when I think about the garden. THE GARDEN!!  Lovie wants to go inside the garden gate every time we are in the back yard. Seeds have been selected, plans have been made. It is coming.

Right after I snapped this picture, Tootsie fell out of the play house window and got a face full of wet grass. I'm trying to be a more relaxed momma and let the girls explore and test their own abilities, but it's tough some times. Like when you watch your kid fall out of a play house window. Der.

Lovie is still obsessed with "my kissmas tree". She was a little confused when she saw it next to the fire pit. I didn't have the heart to tell her what Hubs has planned for it.

Thirty Three

It's my birthday.

I feel like weeks of holiday chaos come to a close with January 4th. I start a new year in time and a new year of life in the same week.

One of the bloggers I read does a list of things she loving on her birthday and I like that idea.

Right now, I love:
1.  Watching Lovie and Tootsie together, creating a relationship of their own that does not involve me.

2.  Though I loved it, this is the first birthday I am not pregnant or nursing in 3 years.

3.  Planning my spring garden-yes, I'm already studying my seed catalog.

4.  A dear friend of my mom's-a true Yooper, shared her secret pasty recipe with me last week.

5.  Dreaming of living on a small farm someday.

6.  Avocados are in season.

7.  Planning for my hens, coming this spring!

8.  Deciding to have my hair done professionally from now on.

9.  The new camera lens Hubs gave me for Christmas.

10. The classes Hubs paid for to teach me how to use my camera.

11.  Lovie said, "Happa Ber-day, Mommy!"

12.  At 8 o'clock, I put Tootsie in her bed and she goes to sleep without a fight.

13.  Snapfish.

Chichen Marsala

Back off ladies, he's mine.

Here's what hubs made for dinner tonight:

My favorite dish. Hubs' Chicken Marsala was better than any restaurant version I have tasted.

And check it out, bitches, homemade pasta.

You could make a meal out of Hubs' pasta alone.

Elving

This is what we woke to last week. Pretty, no? 

Surely, if this can't get me into the holiday spirit, nothing can. 

Well, by the following weekend it was raining and gray. Blah.

I grew up in the northern part of Michigan. We had snow banks taller than the average man. Christmas just isn't the same without freshly fallen snow blanketing the houses. Picture a nice little town, houses covered with pristine snow, smoke puffing from the chimneys and lighted Christmas trees in every front window. Get how I might be a little blue if it's raining when it should be snowing?

This morning we had the slightest cover of snow on the roads and a dusting of white stuff was falling from the sky. We had the day together, with nothing planned but holiday prep.

I've been wanting to make bread bags that I saw on one of the many blogs I read. We have some people on our list whom we love dearly, but who have everything. I like to give gifts that will get used up and not clutter the recipients home. Fabric brad bags with a homemade loaf or two seem perfect to me.

I gathered my sewing equipment and set to work. My grandma was a seamstress extraordinaire. That woman could sew anything and everything. I wish I'd had the desire to sew while she was still living because I know I could have learned so much from her. She did show me the basic way around a sewing machine and with a little gap-filling by one of my sorority sisters, I can fumble through some basic sewing.

I miss my Grandma so much still and she's been gone over ten years.

Anyway, I put together my own amateur plan and sewed most of the morning.

Although the size is not quite right for the loaves we bake, I think they turned out pretty well. Grandma would be so proud of me!

I just love the bird fabric. Not sure why, exactly, I just couldn't leave the fabric store without it.

Here's how it looks with the tasty bread inside. How would someone not love a homemade loaf of old-fashioned white bread?

It's so cute in a basket with other breakfast fixings. The gift for the people who have everything. Yes, sparkling wine included. We're on holiday, duh.

While I was stitching away, Hubs was tackling his own Elf project.

Yes people, my man bakes.

And what of those two sweet girls we adore?

Here's what they worked on while Hubs and I were elving:

Ho Ho Ho