I'm not proud.

My stress and anxiety hit the roof this week. Let me tell you why. It all circles the fact that my hubby had his hip replaced Monday.

The surgery already had my levels raised. Even the most remote possibility that something could happen to my Hubs puts me on edge for all of the obvious reasons.

Add the fact that I had to sit and wait through the surgery with someone I truly dislike and that the surgery lasted longer than it was suppose to.
My hubby stayed in the hospital longer than initially expected. The girls were with sitters for 3 days and I know they felt the strain, too.

When we were finally home Wednesday evening, we were at maximum capacity. Hubs was crabby, I was crabby, the kids were crabby, here comes the meltdown...

I yelled at my toddler. A lot. Something along the lines of  "Go ahead and do whatever you want, I don't give a $&%@ as long as you stop screaming!"  It was so bad Hubs scolded me for it.

I felt bad immediately. I just lost it. The thing that broke me was Hubs. I'm not saying it was his fault, it was mine, I'm not trying to hide that.
Hubs is a good natured person. He isn't usually crabby, but since his surgery he has been. And I just don't know what to do with it. I'm not blaming him, man, if it were me I would be a bear-but that would be expected from me. The fact that HE is crabby is so out of the ordinary that it's throwing me off.

I can't make my husband happy, I can't make my toddler happy, I can't make my baby happy, but I've got to take care of all of them. HELP!

So, it's been a couple of days, we're all feeling better. I pray my toddler won't remember that I took my frustration out on her. I will let her have as many baths as she wants this weekend in hopes that warm water and scented bubbles will wash away the memory of her crazy mother and let me start new.